One of the coolest things in the world to me is realizing, in a specific way, that God is working in my life to change me. To draw me closer to himself and lead me to follow His will in my life.
As wonderful as this sounds, I find that is is not always in the beautiful and joyous moments of life that I see God at work. It’s in the moments that test my faith. The moments where I struggle and suffer.
The last few weeks have been hard. After months of feeling “normal,” symptoms of my chronic illness crept back upon me and left me with severe fatigue, mood changes, and severe pain.
As I was sitting in my self pity, I kept hearing the following words in my head over and over again, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kind, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” (James 1:2) My reaction to my trial was quite the opposite of what James is telling us to do. Anger, bitterness, and self pity filled my mind. During this time, I felt God nudging me to consider joy.
I was not rejoicing. My life was not full of joy. But, since I was miserable I was justified, right? Wrong! We are not called to joyous living only when life is going well. We are called to “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
In one of my bible studies last week, we studied the parable of the “Pearl of Great Price.” God used this study to truly open my eyes to what he was trying to reveal to me. At the end of study we were encouraged to go home and reflect on the one thing that you would do anything to obtain, your pearl of great price, and what you would be willing to give up to obtain it.
In the car on the ride home, it hit me with a sudden force that can only come from God. JOY! If I could have anything in life, it would be true biblical joy. But what in the world would I have to give up to obtain joy in all circumstances of life, even during periods of suffering?
As I prayed about this, I came across an amazing definition of joy by Kay Warren in the book, “Joy Because Happiness Isn’t Enough.” She states that, “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.”
After meditating on this definition, I realized what I needed to give up, and it wasn’t what I was expecting. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this.
I believe that God is calling me to give up control. To trust him with all of the details of my life. To know that in the end, everything will be okay. I need to turn my eyes away from myself and up to Him. To depend on God, rather than try to control everything in my life on my own. I believe this will be a lifelong journey, but I can tell you that what I have experience in several days of giving up control has been life changing and life giving.
What is that thing that you long for more than anything else? Maybe it is joy, or hope, or to feel loved. Whatever it is, please take the time to reflect on this and figure out what it is you need to give up to obtain it. I am finding that the freedom it brings is completely liberating and life giving.